Coming Back to Life…
Actively seeking the little moments of Joy to keep me going.
If you’ve been following my journey, you know this season hasn’t just been about cancer. It has also been about surrender. Surrendering the life I thought I would have, surrendering control over timelines, and surrendering the belief that if I did everything “right,” the outcome would feel safe.
Walking through a divorce while navigating a stage 4 diagnosis has reshaped my faith in ways I didn’t expect. It’s the kind of faith that shows up in hospital rooms, in hard conversations, and in the quiet moments after the kids go to bed when the weight of everything settles in. Some days my prayers are long and intricate. Other days they’re simply, “God, please carry me.”
In the middle of all of this, I’m still a mom. My kids still need stability, love, and reassurance. Life doesn’t pause because you’re grieving. There are still appointments, school schedules, meals to cook, and decisions to make. I’ve learned how to show up for them even when I feel uncertain inside.
What I’ve had to learn more slowly is how to show up for myself.
When you live in survival mode long enough, you start to believe your own joy can wait. You tell yourself that getting through the day is enough and anything extra is unnecessary. But over time, I’ve realized that tending to my spirit isn’t selfish, it’s essential. I cannot continue pouring into my children if I never allow myself to be refilled.
Recently, I was invited to help my friend Kalee with a photoshoot for her company DAY 1 Fitness. (By the way love her company and their products so much! Truly the best of the best.) On paper, it was simple, hair and makeup, workout sets, and a few hours in front of a camera. But after we finished I was feeling recharged in a way I could never have expected.For a few hours, I wasn’t a patient or a statistic.
I wasn’t navigating divorce logistics or thinking about treatment plans. I was just a woman with her bestie having fun, feeling beautiful and being reminded of her power and her worth.
Looking in the mirror that day felt different. I didn’t just see exhaustion or resilience, I saw life. I saw a woman who has endured more than she ever expected to and is still standing. That reminder mattered more than I can explain.
Women Supporting Women
There is something deeply powerful about women supporting women, especially in seasons where you feel fragile. Being surrounded by women who speak life into you instead of competition changes the everything! It softens the edges of what you’re carrying and reminds you that you are not alone.
Kalee is one of those women who naturally builds others up! Her and I became instant best friends and I wouldn’t have it any other way! She and her husband have created a company centered around helping women feel confident and secure in their bodies, whether that’s in the gym or wherever they choose to move. Watching what she has built through discipline, faith, and belief in herself reminds me that even in a season like mine, potential still exists. God hasn’t removed purpose from my life simply because it looks different than I planned.
Community has become one of the clearest reflections of God’s grace for me. I don’t believe we were designed to carry suffering alone. When other women step in with encouragement, laughter, and presence, it becomes a tangible reminder that He is still providing what we need and sometimes through the people right beside us.
I’ve always believed in using the arts as a form of expression. Writing, photography, creativity, they give emotion a safe place to land. When we bury what we feel, it doesn’t disappear; it lingers. Expression allows it to move through us instead of staying trapped inside. That photoshoot became a small but meaningful act of release for me.
It didn’t change my diagnosis. It didn’t solve the uncertainty of the future. But it reminded me that joy and grief can exist in the same space. That beauty can still be found in the middle of brokenness. That God is still present, even here.
I am still learning how to balance it all, motherhood, treatment, healing, rebuilding. I don’t have everything figured out, and I don’t think I’m meant to. What I do know is that saying yes to moments of connection and creativity has helped me feel alive again, even if just for a few hours. And sometimes, that’s enough!
Kalee’s Company just dropped their latest collection check it out! I hope you love it as much as I do.
